28 November 2007

And speaking of more whores...

...it's time prosecutors got a grip (on something other than cops' willies, because let's face it, prosecution is nothing but mutual masturbation). I won't say anything about the Feds because they're hopeless; Congress has spinelessly given them a set of tools the Spanish Inquisition would drool over, including a whole pile of felonies that require no meaningful intent whatsoever, and now they're doing what comes naturally. No, I'm going to focus locally, and specifically on Lohra "Whora" Miller of Salt Lake County and Jeff "Spew" Buhman of Utah County. Somewhere along the line, these two worthies came to believe that being a good prosecutor means that the victims are your clients, and your bosses are the cops. They charge whatever the cops drag through the door, and they won't cut a deal unless the cops and the victims agree to it.

This is wrong. While victims make a sympathetic group, if they want represented, they can look up one of the full-page ads for plaintiffs' attorneys in the Yellow Pages and call the 800 number. Prosecutors represent the public as a whole, not select individuals. That's why criminal cases are headed "State vs. Doe," not "Victim vs. Doe," and charging and plea decisions should be based on the general welfare, not the victim's.

As for cops, there's a reason they don't have charging authority. They get excited. They throw the book at every jaywalker. They taser and shoot people who look cross-eyed at them. Their objectivity is, shall we say, suspect. So the prosecutor makes the charging decisions. If the prosecutor then turns around and charges everything the way the cops want it, what's the point?

So here's some advice to you, Whora and Spew and all the hundreds of other prosecutors who think like you. If you want to represent victims, get into private practice and stop sucking on tax dollar tit. And if your case decisions are dictated by the cops, you're not a prosecutor, you're a whore who has one of those "special arrangements" with law enforcement.


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